Unhappy holidays — local expert offers tips on dealing with grief, anxiety, and depression

WEST COLUMBIA, SC (WOLO) — After experiencing a loss, many people may find themselves feeling sad, anxious, or lonely — taking the joy out of the holiday season.

ABC Columbia’s Lee Williams spoke with Nancy Pilat-Renner, the Director of Outpatient Services at Three Rivers Behavioral Health in West Columbia, who says the holidays can be a tough time of year for many reasons — including the loss of a loved one, a home, a spouse, or a job.

“It can be very difficult, especially around the holidays when everybody is supposed to be happy. You’re coming together, and you’ve got parties you need to go to, people you want to see, and when things change, you don’t want to do it anymore. You just don’t feel like it’s worth it,” Pilat-Renner says.

She finds that it’s important to acknowledge that change will be difficult, and when it comes to holiday traditions, Pilat-Renner says it’s okay to do what you can, and remember that setting boundaries is okay.

“That is absolutely okay. They need to do what’s best for them during this time, because we need to remember this is the first time, the first holiday that they’ve been without their loved ones, and so setting those boundaries is a good thing,” Pilat-Renner says.

And when it comes to decorating and other traditions, she says it’s okay to only do the things you feel up to doing while working through grief.

Continue recognizing and celebrating your loved one during the holidays, but try creating new traditions as well, she says.

“As sad as it may be, there’s also joy in there. There’s also comfort. Those memories were wonderful, they were sweet. Maybe it was a special ornament that you picked out together, or you went to a certain tree farm every year and cut down a tree for Christmas. It’s going to be difficult, but if you don’t feel you can do it this year, just remember it’s ok. It’s ok to be good to yourself this year, and take care of yourself,” Pilat-Renner says.

Others may feel stressed financially. Again, she says, do what you can. You don’t have to do the same thing everybody else is doing — just create memories.

“Make cookies together, make some special cards. Hand made gifts are so wonderful because someone went out of their way to make something special for you is a wonderful beautiful gift. And so just realizing that you can be the best present for someone,” she says.

Others may be feeling sadness because their family has rejected them over their sexuality, who they choose to date, or a life choice they’ve made.

“They can’t choose their family of origin, but they can have a family of choice, so they need to celebrate with those folks they want to have in their life,” she says.

And if you have a loved one dealing with grief, loss, or loneliness of any kind, and you notice that they’re isolating themselves, Pilat-Renner says reach out to them in-person.

“That’s your cue that you need to go check on them. Just go to their house and check on them. Find out how they’re doing, listen if they want to talk, and then recommend they seek help if necessary. As alone as they feel, they do want to know that someone cares, and they will appreciate that someone came to check on them,” she says.

Pilat-Renner says if the loneliness becomes overpowering, and the depression becomes too much to bear, please reach out for help. She says go to your nearest emergency room, call the crisis hotline at 9-8-8, or you can walk into Three Rivers Behavioral Health at 2900 Sunset Boulevard in West Columbia and have a free assessment done.