Keeping your Ex-status off the socials and other etiquette tips when going through the Big D
Pamela Eyring joined Tyler Ryan to talk Ex-etiquette
Pamela Eyring from the Protocol School of Washington joined Tyler Ryan to talk about maintaining grace and etiquette while dealing with a divorce.
Eyring offered these tips:
1. Announcing your new status. Your family and closest friends will probably already
know about your divorce, but the ones that are hardest to tell are people like church
members, neighbors, social clubs, or other parents. First of all, you don’t need to tell
everyone. Wait until an organic moment arises that makes telling someone necessary,
such as an invitation to a special event, where you can simply say, ‘Things have
changed. My spouse and I are getting a divorce, so I’ll be coming alone.’ At work, you
can simply tell your boss and close friends you and your spouse have decided to end
your marriage—but remember you don’t need to go into too many details.
2. Respect: Remember that you married your former partner for a reason, and giving
each other respect during a breakup will make things so much easier for both parties
going forward—especially if you have children. Also remember that respect means
refraining from badmouthing your ex to your children, family or friends. You should also
try not to hold grudges and use empathy when solving problems together.
3. Put your children first. Holiday concerts, plays, and other programs are a time to
celebrate your child’s accomplishments, so it’s important for both parents to be in
attendance. You don’t necessarily have to sit with your former spouse, but you should
put on a good face and be cordial and remember that focusing on your shared love and
support for your child can help everyone heal.
4. Who gets the friends? As with a custody battle, many couples have had to duke it out
over who gets to keep the good friends you both shared during your time together. But
you shouldn’t have to cut these people out of your life if you and your partner divorce.
Simply talking to the friends and stating your desire to remain in contact will do the trick
because many people make incorrect assumptions in such cases. Also talk to your ex
and be honest and straightforward that you would like to maintain the friendships that
you both shared during your relationship. But don’t be surprised if some friends do take
sides…and if they do, then you have your answer.
5. Holidays. The holidays are always awkward for the newly separated or divorced, but
you can do some little things to announce your new status without drama. Just before
the holidays you can put just your own name and address on the cards you send, and
sign them as yourself, or with your children, leaving your spouse’s name off. For close
friends and family, you can add a note on your holiday letter that says, ‘Regretfully my
spouse and I have decided to go our separate ways,’ and give the changed addresses
and phone numbers.”